ʻO nā pilina—ʻo nā mea maikaʻi hoʻi—he mau piʻi a me lalo. Akā ʻoiai mākou e aloha i kā mākou mea nui i loko inaina ʻO kā lākou mau hemahema, aia kekahi mau hiʻohiʻona i hiki ke hana i kahi helu ma kāu hauʻoli lōʻihi ma ke ʻano he kāne. Akā, mai koʻikoʻi i kēia manawa: Inā e kaha ʻoe a me kāu hoa i ka pahu ma kekahi o nā ʻano ma lalo nei, ʻaʻole ia ka hopena. Akā, he wahi lele ia i ka ʻike olakino i kahi e pono ai kāu hui i kahi R&R liʻiliʻi. Mai hopohopo, loaʻa iā mākou nā hoʻolālā e kōkua.
1. Kala wale lakou, Aole poina
E ka poʻe huhū, e makaʻala: ʻO ka manaʻo ʻaʻole e hoʻokuʻu i kahi kuhi hewa a ʻokiʻoki i ka ʻōlelo a kāu hoa i hana mua ai hiki ke hōʻike i kahi hui liʻiliʻi. Malia paha ke kanu nei ʻoe i kahi hanana i hala me ka lawe ʻana i ke kuleana a me ke kala ʻana no ia mea. A i ʻole ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke kōkua i ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana i kahi ʻōlelo maʻamau i hana ʻia ma ke ʻano he kumu hoʻohālike-a hoʻāla hou ʻia i kēlā me kēia hoʻopaʻapaʻa (a i ʻole ma hope o kekahi mau cocktails), no ka lōʻihi o ka wā i hana ʻia ai. No ke aha he pilikia: hakakā nā kāne. Hāʻawi ʻia kēlā. Akā, pehea ʻoe e hoʻoholo ai i ka hakakā ʻo ia ka mea nui loa i ka wā e pili ana i ke olakino holoʻokoʻa o kāu hoʻokamakama.
ʻO ka hoʻoponopono: E ho'āʻo e wehe i nā hana a kāu hoa e hoʻoponopono i ka pōʻino. A i ʻole inā ʻo ʻoe ka mea lawehala, e hoʻomanaʻo ʻaʻole i lohi loa ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana i kāu hewa a e hoʻāʻo e hoʻomaikaʻi i ka manawa aʻe. Ma hope o nā mea a pau, he nui ka pani ʻana. Kākau aʻoaʻo pili Kyle Benson : ʻO ka ʻokoʻa ma waena o nā kāne hauʻoli a me nā kāne hauʻoli ʻaʻole ia he mea ʻaʻole hana hewa nā kāne hauʻoli… Hana lākou i nā mea like ʻole a nā kāne maikaʻi ʻole e hana ai, akā i kekahi manawa, loaʻa iā lākou kahi kamaʻilio kahi e ola ai lākou mai ia mea.
pehea e hoopau ai i na wahi pimple ma ka maka
2. ʻAʻole lākou e ʻōlelo hou iā 'E ʻoluʻolu' a me 'Mahalo iā ʻoe'
He mea nui ke ano. Mea nui loa. No kou hui pū ʻana i ʻeono mahina a i ʻole ʻeono makahiki, ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo e haʻalele ʻoe i ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana i kāu hoa i kēlā me kēia manawa a lākou e hāʻawi ai iā ʻoe i ka creamer no kāu kofe a i ʻole e hoʻomaʻamaʻa i kāu kaʻa he ʻumi mau minuke ma mua o kou haʻalele ʻana. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo ka haʻalele ʻana i ka ʻoluʻolu a hoʻomaikaʻi iā ʻoe - a i ʻole kekahi hōʻailona o ka mahalo - hiki ke hōʻike i ka mālama ʻole a me ka mahalo ʻole i kekahi i kekahi i ka manawa.
ʻO ka hoʻoponopono: He mea maʻalahi kēlā: E hōʻike pinepine i ka mahalo no nā hana liʻiliʻi. (E ka mea aloha, ʻaʻole hiki iaʻu ke manaʻoʻiʻo ua manaʻo ʻoe e hoʻomaʻamaʻa i kaʻu kaʻa. He ʻano maikaʻi kēlā iā ʻoe!) ʻO kēlā hana maʻalahi hiki ke ikaika nui e pale aku i ka pōʻino o ka hakakā ʻana, e like me kahi noiʻi i paʻi ʻia ma ka puke pai. Pilikino Pilikino . (ʻAʻole ʻo ia ka nui o kou hoʻopaʻapaʻa ʻana, ʻo ke ʻano o kou mālama ʻana i kekahi i kekahi ka mea nui, e like me nā mea kākau noiʻi.)
3. ʻAʻole lākou e hoʻokahua i nā hana pili
ʻO nā ʻike hou nā mea a pau i kahi pilina . (E ʻike i ka piʻi ʻana o ke kikowaena uku o kou lolo e hoʻihoʻi i ka wikiwiki o nā lā mua.) Akā hiki ke loaʻa ka leʻaleʻa i ka honua. No ka laʻana, ke hālāwai ʻoe ma ka papa ʻaina i kēlā me kēia Sābati e heluhelu i ka ʻāpana waiwai a i ʻole ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole pili i ka lōʻihi o ka hana maʻamau me nā keiki, e hoʻomaha mau ʻoe i kahi 20 mau minuke rerun o ʻO Schitt's Creek ʻaoʻao ʻaoʻao. ʻO kēlā me kēia hana maʻamau, ʻo ka minuke āu a i ʻole kāu hoa e koho ai e hoʻokuʻu i waho a i ʻole e lawe wale ʻia, e hiki mai ana ka ʻeha o ka hauʻoli.
ʻO ka hoʻoponopono: Ua hānai ʻia ke aloha mau loa e nā manawa liʻiliʻi o kēlā me kēia lā o ka pilina, e like me ka psychologist Dr. John Gottman o ka Gottman Institute. I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, ʻo kēlā mau mea liʻiliʻi i kēlā me kēia lā a mākou e hoʻopili ai i ka nui - pono ʻoe e hoʻokaʻawale i ka manawa no lākou.
4. ʻAʻole lākou e hoʻolilo i ka manawa maikaʻi… kaʻawale
Hoʻowahāwahā ʻoe i ka manawa a kāu hoa pili e pāʻani ai i nā pāʻani wikiō, akā no kekahi kumu, ke noho mau nei ʻoe i kēlā me kēia ʻaoʻao e hauʻoli ana iā lākou i ka wā e pāʻani ai kā lākou mau hoʻolālā Madden i ka manawa maoli. Aia kekahi inoa no kēia ʻano ʻano: Ua kapa ʻia ʻo de-selfing a ʻo ia ka hana o ka haʻalele ʻana i nā mea koʻikoʻi iā ʻoe a ʻo wai ʻoe i mea e mālama ai i kahi pilina. Akā ʻo ka hana maoli o kēia mea e hoʻoulu ai i ka huhū. Ma nā pilina olakino, kaulike mākou i ko mākou mau pono a me kā mākou mau ʻōlelo me ko mākou pono e hoʻopili a hui pū me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, wehewehe ʻo Kauka Paula Wilbourne, ke kauka psychologist, co-founder and Chief Scientific Officer of Sibly . Akā ʻo ka de-selfing ka mea e nalowale ai ke kaulike ma waena o ka autonomy (e ʻōlelo, kēlā papa yoga virtual āu i makemake ai e hoʻāʻo) a me ka lawelawe ʻana i nā pono o ka poʻe a puni ʻoe. ʻO ka hopena, ua hoʻopili ʻia ʻoe me nā mea nui o kāu hoa a hāʻawi wale i ka leo i ko lākou mau pono a i ka manawa like ke kanu ʻana iā ʻoe iho.
ʻO ka hoʻoponopono: E ho'ōki i ka hoʻopunipuni ʻana i nā leʻaleʻa o kāu hoa a e hoʻokaʻawale i ka manawa e hoʻoulu ai i kou manaʻo iā ʻoe iho a me ka ʻike e kū nei ma waho o kāu pilina. (E pili ana i kēlā papa yoga: E hoʻonohonoho iā ia i ka wā e pāʻani ai kāu hoa i nā pāʻani wikiō a e hauʻoli ʻolua no ia mea.) Ma hope o nā mea a pau, ʻaʻohe hana e hoonui i ka naau. He 100 pakeneka pono no ka hui hauʻoli.
5. ʻOi aku ka hakakā ma mua o ko lākou launa pū ʻana
E like me kā mākou i ʻōlelo ai, paʻa nā hakakā no ka papa. Akā, e like me kahi noiʻi mai ka Gottman Institute, ʻo ka mea wānana koʻikoʻi o ka noho pū ʻana o nā kāne, ʻo ia kā lākou ratio o nā pilina maikaʻi a maikaʻi ʻole. Ke kuhikuhi nei lākou iā ia ʻo ka ratio 5: 1, ʻo ia hoʻi i kēlā me kēia manawa āu e ʻōlelo ai i kāu wahine no ka haʻalele ʻana i kahi kāwele ʻauʻau ma ka papahele, lawelawe pū ʻoe i ʻelima (a ʻoi aku paha) mau pilina maikaʻi. He honi paha kēia, he hoʻomaikaʻi, he ʻakaʻaka, he manawa hoʻolohe manaʻo, he hōʻailona o ke aloha, a pēlā aku. Ke hele nei nā kāne hauʻoli i nā pilina maikaʻi ʻole ma mua o ka maikaʻi, ʻaʻole ia e hāʻawi i nā vibes maikaʻi no ka wā lōʻihi.
ʻO ka hoʻoponopono: E hoʻopaʻa pū i ka lawe ʻana i ka levity i kāu mau kamaʻilio ʻana i kēlā me kēia lā ma ka ʻakaʻaka e pili ana i nā squabbles liʻiliʻi me ka mālama ʻana i ka huhū. (E nānā ma luna.) Hiki ke paʻakikī i ka wela o ka manawa ke ʻimi i ka mea ʻakaʻaka, akā ʻoi aku ka nui o kou hoʻonohonoho ʻana i ka maikaʻi, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka hauʻoli.
PILI: 3 Nā mea ʻawaʻawa e hōʻalo ai i ka pilina a i ʻole ka male
