He aha ka Gaslighting?
ʻOiai hiki iā ia ke lawe i nā ʻano like ʻole, ma kāna kumu, ʻo ka gaslighting kahi ʻenehana kamaʻilio kahi e nīnau ai kekahi iā ʻoe i kāu manaʻo ponoʻī o nā hanana i hala. ʻO ka hapa nui o nā manawa, manaʻo ʻia e hoʻoheheʻe ʻia ʻoe i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo. Ma kona mau 'ano ha'aha'a, hana ke kukui i ka mana like 'ole i loko o ka pilina a me ka 'ino loa, hiki ke mana'o 'ia ke 'ano o ka mana'o a me ka ho'omāinoino.
Ua hoʻokumu ʻia ka huaʻōlelo mai kahi thriller pohihihi i ka makahiki 1938, Ke kukui kinoea, i kākau ʻia e ka mea kākau pāʻani Pelekane ʻo Patrick Hamilton. Ua hana ʻia ka pāʻani i kahi kiʻiʻoniʻoni kaulana me Ingrid Bergman lāua ʻo Charles Boyer. I loko o ke kiʻiʻoniʻoni, hoʻopunipuni ke kāne ʻo Gregory i kāna wahine aloha ʻo Paula e manaʻoʻiʻo ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke hilinaʻi hou i kāna ʻike ponoʻī.
Wahi a ka Laina Hoʻomāinoino ʻŌiwi Lahui , aia ʻelima mau ʻenehana hoʻomaʻamaʻa ʻea:
- Ke kānalua mau nei ʻoe iā ʻoe iho.
- Nīnau ʻoe iā ʻoe iho, 'Ua paʻakikī loa au?' he kakini manawa o ka la.
- Hoʻopilikia pinepine ʻoe a me ka pupule.
- Ke kala aku nei ʻoe i kou makuahine, makua kāne, hoa, haku.
- ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomaopopo i ke kumu, me ka nui o nā mea maikaʻi i kou ola, ʻaʻole ʻoe hauʻoli.
- Hana pinepine ʻoe i nā kala ʻana no ka hana a kāu hoa pili i nā hoaaloha a me ka ʻohana.
- ʻIke ʻoe ʻaʻole ʻoe e ʻike i ka ʻike mai nā hoaaloha a me ka ʻohana, no laila ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e wehewehe a hoʻohalahala paha.
- ʻIke ʻoe he hewa loa kekahi mea, akā ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hōʻike i ke ʻano o ia mea, ʻo ʻoe iho.
- Hoʻomaka ʻoe e wahaheʻe e pale aku i ka waiho ʻana i lalo a me nā wili maoli.
- Ua pilikia ʻoe i ka hoʻoholo ʻana maʻalahi.
- Loaʻa iā ʻoe ka manaʻo he kanaka ʻokoʻa loa ʻoe ma mua-ʻoi aku ka hilinaʻi, ʻoi aku ka leʻaleʻa-aloha, ʻoi aku ka hoʻomaha.
- Manaʻo ʻoe me ka manaʻolana ʻole a me ka hauʻoli ʻole.
- Manaʻo ʻoe me he mea lā ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hana i kekahi mea kūpono.
- Ke noʻonoʻo nei ʻoe inā he hoa 'maikaʻi' ʻoe / wahine / limahana / hoaaloha / kaikamahine.
He aha kekahi mau hōʻailona e hoʻomālamalama ana kāu hoa iā ʻoe?
Ma ke ʻano he psychoanalyst a mea kākau ʻo Robin Stern, Ph.D. kākau i loko Hoʻonaʻauao i kēia lā , Nui nā hōʻailona hōʻailona e hana nei kēia i kāu pilina. Aia kēia mau mea:
Pehea ʻoe e ʻike ai i ka Gaslighting ma kahi pilina?
ʻO kahi hōʻailona mua e hiki ai i kahi pilina ke hele i ka hoʻomālamalama ʻana ʻo ia ka hiki ʻana mai o ka pahū aloha - a hiki ke ʻike ʻia e like me ka wā honeymoon. ʻIke ʻoe, kahi hiki ʻole iā ʻoe ke hoʻōki i ke kelepona ʻana a me ka noʻonoʻo ʻana i kekahi i kekahi, hoʻomaka ʻoe e moeʻuhane e pili ana i kahi wā e hiki mai ana a ʻoiai ʻoe e hoʻomāinoino maoli, ʻike ʻoe iā ʻoe iho e kākau. poem no ka manawa mua o kou ola. Akā, ʻokoʻa ka pahū aloha — ʻo ka hapa nui no ka mea he ʻaoʻao hoʻokahi a ʻike ʻia kahi ʻano ʻino. Hāʻawi ʻia nā pua ma ka hana me nā puʻuwai e kau ana i ka i ma kou inoa, kākāʻōlelo a me ke kaukaʻi Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D hāʻawi i hoʻokahi laʻana. ʻO ia nā kikokikona e hoʻonui i ka pinepine i ko lākou hoʻonui ʻana i ke aloha aloha. He mau hiʻohiʻona kahaha i hoʻolālā ʻia e hoʻopunipuni iā ʻoe i ka hoʻolilo ʻana i ka manawa hou me ka mea bomber-a, ʻaʻole i hoʻohālikelike ʻia, emi ka manawa me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, a i ʻole ʻoe iho. Inā hopu ʻia ʻoe e ka hoʻouka kaua ʻana o nā ʻano aloha aloha, aia paha, ke aloha ʻia nei ʻoe.
Ma ka puke haʻawina He aha ka Psychology?: Social Psychology , Hoʻomaopopo ʻo Hal Belch i ke aloha pahū ma ke ʻano he hana a nā alakaʻi hoʻomana e hoʻohana ai: No ka huki ʻana i nā lālā hiki, hoʻohana ka poʻe cultists i nā ʻano hana kūkulu hale manaʻo like ʻole i kapa ʻia ʻo 'Love Bombing,' kahi e hoʻoinu ai lākou i nā poʻe hoʻomaʻamaʻa me ke aloha mau a me ka hoʻomaikaʻi. He hoʻolālā kaulana hoʻi ia e hoʻohana ai ka poʻe kālepa wahine e loaʻa ai ka mana, e like me ka puke Gangs a me nā kaikamahine .
He hopena maikaʻi ka pahū aloha no ka mea e hana ana i ka manaʻo hoʻomāʻewaʻewa me ʻoe. ʻO kēia ka mea e wehe ai ʻoe iā lākou ma mua o ka mea maʻamau āu e ʻoluʻolu ai i ka hana ʻana, me ka waiho ʻana i ka puka ākea e hoʻoponopono ʻia a mālama ʻia.
He aha kāu e hana ai inā e hoʻomālamalama ʻia ʻoe?
Hōʻuluʻulu Hōʻike
No ka mea, ʻo ka pahuhopu nui o ka hoʻomālamalama ʻana ʻo ia ka mea e manaʻo ai ua nalowale ʻoe i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, he mea nui e mālama i kahi moʻolelo o nā mea i ka wā e hiki mai ana, e hoʻi i mea hōʻoia i ka wā e hoʻomaka ai ʻoe e kānalua i kou hoʻomanaʻo ponoʻī. I ka hōʻoia ʻana, ʻo ka Laina Hoʻomāinoino ʻŌiwi Lahui paipai ʻia e mālama i kahi puke pai me nā lā, nā manawa a me nā kikoʻī e like me ka hiki, ma waho aʻe o ka hilinaʻi ʻana i kahi ʻohana hilinaʻi a i ʻole hoa.
E hilinaʻi i kāu mau hoaaloha a me kou ʻohana
ʻOiai ʻo ia ka pahuhopu o ka mea hoʻomaʻamaʻa ʻea e hoʻokaʻawale iā ʻoe mai ka poʻe mālama iā ʻoe, he mea koʻikoʻi ka loaʻa ʻana o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe i kāu hoa pili āu e hilinaʻi ai inā hiki. Ma waho aʻe o ka hana ʻana ma ke ʻano he papa kani, ʻo ka hoaaloha a i ʻole ka ʻohana he ʻaoʻao ʻekolu i hiki ke nānā maoli i ke kūlana a hoʻomanaʻo iā ʻoe ʻaʻole he pupule a hoʻonui paha kāu mea i manaʻo ai.
E ʻimi i ke kōkua ʻoihana
Inā manaʻo ʻoe aia ke kukui uila i loko o kāu pilina, e ʻimi i ke kōkua o kahi lāʻau lapaʻau laikini-ʻo ia hoʻi kekahi mea loea i ka lāʻau pili pili-hiki iā ia ke kōkua iā ʻoe e wehewehe i kāu mea e hele nei a kōkua iā ʻoe e hala. Ma muli o ke koʻikoʻi o kou kūlana, hiki iā ʻoe ke kelepona i ka National Abuse Hotline ma 800-799-7233 no ke kōkua wikiwiki.
He aha kekahi mau hōʻailona ʻē aʻe āu i loko o kahi pilina ʻawaʻawa?
1. Manaʻo ʻoe i ka hopohopo inā ʻaʻole ʻoe i hui
Ke hoʻolimalima ʻoe i kekahi mau hola mai kāu hoa pili, ʻike ʻoe iā ʻoe iho e nānā ana i kāu kelepona, pilikia ʻoe i ka hoʻoholo ʻana iā ʻoe iho a hopohopo e hele hewa kekahi mea. ʻOiai ua manaʻo mua paha ʻoe he kumu kēia pono e hui pū (ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o nā mea a pau inā ʻolua wale nō, e ʻoluʻolu ana ma luna o kahi moe), ʻaʻole kēia ka hihia, wahi a ʻO Jill P. Weber, Ph.D. Inā noʻonoʻo mau ʻoe iā ʻoe iho, he hōʻailona paha ia e paʻa ana kāu hoa i kou ola-a me nā hoʻoholo āu e hana ai-ma kahi ala ʻawaʻawa.
2. ʻAʻole ʻoe manaʻo e like me ʻoe iho
Pono ka pilina olakino e hoʻopuka i ka mea maikaʻi loa i loko ou. Ke hele ʻoe a me kāu hoa i ka hula, pono ʻoe e manaʻo e like me kou ʻano hilinaʻi, nani a mālama ʻole, ʻaʻole lili, hopohopo ʻole a mālama ʻole ʻia. Inā ʻoe i manaʻo ino aku ma hope o kou launa pū ʻana me kāu mea koʻikoʻi, aia paha kekahi mau mea ʻawaʻawa e hele nei.
3. Ke hāʻawi nei ʻoe i ke ala ʻoi aku ma mua o kāu e lawe nei
ʻAʻole mākou e manaʻo i nā mea waiwai a me nā hana nui, e like me nā rosa a me nā truffles. He mea hou aʻe e pili ana i nā mea liʻiliʻi noʻonoʻo, e like me ka hamo ʻana i kou kua me ka noi ʻole ʻia, lawe ʻana i ka manawa e nīnau e pili ana i kou lā a i ʻole e kiʻi i kāu ice cream punahele ma ka hale kūʻai—no ka mea. Inā ʻo ʻoe wale nō ka mea e hele ana e hana i kēia mau mea kūikawā no kāu hoa a ʻaʻole lākou e hoʻihoʻi a hoʻihoʻi i ke ʻano (ʻoiai inā ua kamaʻilio mua ʻoe he mea kēia āu e makemake ai), ʻo ia ka manawa. e nānā pono i ka pilina.
4. ʻO ʻoe a me kāu hoa e mālama i ka helu
ʻO ke ʻano o ka 'mālama ʻana i ka helu' i ka wā e hoʻomau ai ka mea āu e kamaʻilio nei e hoʻopiʻi iā ʻoe no nā hewa i hala āu i hana ai ma ka pilina, wehewehe. Mark Manson , mea kakau o ʻO ke akamai maʻalahi o ka hāʻawi ʻole ʻana i kahi F*ck . I ka wā i hoʻoholo ai ʻoe i kahi pilikia, he mea ʻawaʻawa loa ka ʻike hou ʻana i ka hoʻopaʻapaʻa like, me ka manaʻo e hoʻokiʻekiʻe hoʻokahi (a ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi, hoʻohilahila) i kāu kāne. No ka laʻana, e ʻōlelo mākou ua hele ʻoe me kāu mau hoaaloha i ke kauwela i hala, ua loaʻa iā ʻoe ʻekolu mau Aperol spritzes a ua haki i kahi kukui. Inā ua kamaʻilio mua ʻoe a kala aku, ʻaʻohe kumu e hoʻomau mau ai kāu kāne i kēlā me kēia manawa e inu ai kāu mau hoaaloha.
PILI : 5 mau hōʻailona he pōhaku paʻa kou pilina
