ʻAʻole hou ka manaʻo o ke aloha i ka ʻike mua (nānā iā ʻoe, e Romeo a me Juliet). Akā mai nā lā o Shakespeare, ua ʻike nui nā neurologists i ka hana o ke aloha i ko mākou lolo ma kahi pae olaola. Ua ʻike mākou i kēia manawa ua hoʻoikaika nā hormones a me nā kemika i kā mākou hoʻoholo a me ka wehewehe ʻana i nā hanana. Ua hoʻokaʻawale mālie mākou i ke aloha i nā pae kikoʻī, nā ʻano a me nā ʻano kamaʻilio. Eia nō naʻe, aia kekahi mea kupanaha e pili ana i ke aloha i ka ʻike mua, ʻo ia paha ke kumu 56 pakeneka o ʻAmelika e manaoio ia mea. Pela i ka mea ʻo ia kēlā manaʻo—a he ʻoiaʻiʻo anei ke aloha ma ka ʻike mua?
ʻO Gabrielle Usatynski, MA, he kākāʻōlelo ʻoihana laikini a me ka mea kākau o ka puke e hiki mai ana, ʻO ke ʻano hoʻohālike o nā kāne mana , wahi a, ʻO ka nīnau inā he ʻoiaʻiʻo ke aloha i ka ʻike mua ʻana a ʻaʻole paha ma muli o kā mākou manaʻo i ka huaʻōlelo ʻoiaʻiʻo. Inā ʻo ka nīnau, 'ʻO ke aloha ma ka pūnaewele mua ke aloha?' ʻAe, pili ia i ka wehewehe ʻana i ka huaʻōlelo 'aloha.'
He ʻokoʻa paha ka wehewehe ʻana o kēlā me kēia kanaka, no laila e noʻonoʻo ʻoe i kāu heluhelu ʻana i ka mea kupanaha ʻo ke aloha i ka ʻike mua.
ʻO ke kuko, ka evolution a me nā manaʻo mua
ʻO ka ʻepekema a me ka noʻonoʻo e haʻi iā mākou he aloha i ka ʻike mua ʻana kuko i ka maka mua . ʻAʻohe ala aloha - ma ka liʻiliʻi loa, aloha ʻole, aloha paʻa ʻole - hiki ke loaʻa ma waena o ʻelua poʻe i hui ʻole a kamaʻilio paha kekahi i kekahi. E kala mai, Romeo.
kiʻiʻoniʻoni ʻōpio kiʻekiʻe 10
Eia naʻe! ʻO nā manaʻo mua he mea ikaika loa a ʻike maoli. Lawe ko mākou lolo ma waena o hoʻokahi hapaʻumi o ke kekona a hapalua minute e hookumu i ka manao mua. Ua haʻi aku ʻo Alexander Todorov o ke Kulanui o Princeton i ka BBC i loko o kahi manawa pōkole weliweli, hoʻoholo mākou inā he uʻi, hilinaʻi a me ka evolutionarily mana. ʻO Ned Presnall, he LCSW a ʻike ʻia i ka ʻāina loea no ke ola kino , hoʻokaʻawale i kēia manawa ma ke ʻano he ʻāpana o ka hakakā hoʻokokoke-ʻalo.
Ma ke ʻano he kanaka, ua ulu mākou e pane wikiwiki i ka wā e hele ai kahi mea ola kiʻekiʻe i ko mākou ala. ʻO nā hoa i makemake nui ʻia he [mea nui] no mākou e hoʻopōmaikaʻi i kā mākou code genetic, wahi a Presnall. Ke ʻike ʻoe i kahi mea nāna ʻoe e ʻike i ka 'aloha i ka ʻike mua,' ua ʻike kou lolo iā lākou he kumu waiwai nui i ka mālama ʻana i ka hānau ʻana a me ke ola ʻana o nā keiki.
ʻO ke kumu, ʻike mākou i kahi hoa pili e like me ka moho paʻa no ka hana hou ʻana, makemake mākou iā lākou, manaʻo mākou he aloha i ka ʻike mua ʻana, no laila e hoʻokokoke mākou iā lākou. ʻO ka pilikia wale nō? Ua ʻōlelo ʻo Polofesa Todorov, makemake nā kānaka pili i nā manaʻo mua ʻoiai ma hope o ka hala ʻana o ka manawa a i ʻole mākou e aʻo i nā ʻike hou, kūʻē i ka ʻike. ʻIke ʻia kēia ʻo ka hopena halo.
He aha ka 'hopena halo'?
Ke kūkākūkā ka poʻe i ke aloha i ka ʻike mua ʻana, ʻo ka hapa nui e kuhikuhi ana i kahi pili kino koke, wahi a Marisa T. Cohen , PhD. Ma muli o ka hopena halo, hiki iā mākou ke hoʻomaopopo i nā mea e pili ana i ka poʻe ma muli o kēlā manaʻo mua. Ma muli o ka nani o kekahi iā mākou, pili ia i ko mākou ʻike ʻana i kā lākou mau ʻano ʻē aʻe. He maikaʻi lākou, no laila pono lākou e ʻakaʻaka a akamai a waiwai a ʻoluʻolu hoʻi.
Ka lolo i ke aloha
Ua hewa ʻo Kauka Helen Fisher a me kāna hui ʻepekema ma ke Kulanui ʻo Rutgers i ka lolo no kēia hopena halo-a ʻoi aku. Wahi a lākou ʻekolu mau ʻano o ke aloha kuko, hoohihi a pili . ʻO ke kuko pinepine ka pae mua a ʻo ka mea pili loa me ke aloha i ka ʻike mua ʻana. Ke kuko mākou i kekahi, ʻōlelo ko mākou lolo i kā mākou ʻōnaehana hānau e hana i ka testosterone a me ka estrogen. Eia hou, evolutionarily, manaʻo ko mākou kino i ka manawa e hana hou. Ke nānā aku nei mākou i ka hoʻokokoke ʻana a me ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana i kēlā hoa.
e hoʻoikaika i ka ikaika ma ka home
Hoihoi ʻo ia aʻe. Hoʻoulu ʻia e ka dopamine, kahi hormone uku e pili pono ana me ka addiction, a me ka norepinephrine, ka hakakā a i ʻole ka hormone lele, e hōʻike ana i ka manawa honeymoon o kahi pilina. ʻO ka mea e mahalo ai, hiki i ke aloha i kēia wā ke hoʻohaʻahaʻa i kā mākou serotonin pae, ka hopena i ka hoʻopau ʻana i ka ʻai a me ka nui o ka naʻau.
ʻO kāu ʻōnaehana limbic (ʻo ka ʻāpana 'makemake' o kou lolo) e kīkī i loko, a ʻo kāu cortex prefrontal (ka ʻāpana hoʻoholo o kou lolo) e noho hope, wahi a Presnall no kēia mau pae mua.
ʻO kēia mau manaʻo maikaʻi, hāʻule-nā mea a pau-e-be-me-lākou e hōʻoiaʻiʻo iā mākou ke ʻike nei mākou i ke aloha ʻoiaʻiʻo. ʻO ka ʻenehana, ʻo mākou! ʻO nā hormones a me nā manaʻo a lākou e hana ai he mea maoli. Akā ʻaʻole hiki ke aloha mau a hiki i ka manawa pili. Ma hope o ka ʻike maoli ʻana i kahi hoa pili i kahi manawa lōʻihi, ʻike mākou inā ua ulu ke kuko i ka pili.
I ka wā o ka hoʻopili ʻana, hoʻopuka ko mākou lolo i ka oxytocin, kahi hormone hoʻopaʻa i hoʻokuʻu ʻia i ka wā hānau a me ka hānai ʻana. (Ua kapa ʻia ʻo ia ka hormone cuddle, ʻo ia ka AF nani.)
Haʻawina e pili ana i ke aloha i ka ʻike mua
ʻAʻole nui nā haʻawina i hana ʻia e pili ana i ke ʻano o ke aloha i ka ʻike mua. ʻO nā mea e noho nei e nānā nui i ka pilina heterosexual a me nā kuleana kāne stereotypical. No laila, e lawe i kēia me kahi hua paʻakai.
ʻO ka haʻawina i ʻōlelo pinepine ʻia mai ke Kulanui o Groningen ma Netherlands. Ua loaʻa i ka mea noiʻi ʻo Florian Zsok a me kāna hui ke aloha i ka ʻike mua ʻaʻole hiki pinepine . I ka wā i hana ʻia ai i kā lākou aʻo ʻana, ua hoʻokumu ʻia ma luna o ka hoihoi kino. Kākoʻo kēia i nā kumumanaʻo e ʻōlelo nei mākou e ʻike maoli nei makemake i ka ike mua ana.
ʻOiai ma luna o ka hapalua o ka poʻe i komo i ke aʻo ʻana a Zsok i ʻike ʻia he wahine, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka poʻe i ʻike i ke kāne e hōʻike i ka hāʻule ʻana i ke aloha i ka ʻike mua. ʻOiai i kēlā manawa, ua kapa inoa ʻo Zsok a me kāna hui i kēia mau manawa ma waho.
Malia paha ʻo ka mea hoihoi loa e puka mai i waho o ke aʻo ʻana a Zsok ʻaʻohe manawa o ke aloha pānaʻi i ka ʻike mua. ʻAʻohe. ʻO ia ka mea i ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ke aloha i ka ʻike mua ʻana he ʻike pilikino nui loa.
nā lāʻau kūlohelohe no ka lauoho pololei
I kēia manawa, ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo ʻaʻole hiki ke hana.
ʻO nā hōʻailona paha he aloha i ka ʻike mua ʻana
ʻO nā kāne e koi nei ua aloha lākou i ka ʻike mua ʻana paha e hoʻopili hou ana i kēlā lepili i kā lākou hālāwai mua. Ma hope o ko lākou neʻe ʻana ma mua o ke kuko a me ka hoihoi a i ka pili ʻana, hiki iā lākou ke nānā i hope me ke aloha i ke ala o kā lākou pilina a manaʻo, Ua ʻike koke mākou ʻo ia! Inā makemake ʻoe inā ʻoe e ʻike nei i ke aloha i ka ʻike mua ʻana, e noʻonoʻo i nā hōʻailona aʻe.
1. Hoʻomaka ʻoe i ka ʻike hou aku
ʻO kahi mea maikaʻi loa mai kā Zsok aʻo ʻana ʻo ka ʻike ʻana i ke aloha i ka ʻike mua ʻana paha he makemake wikiwiki e ʻike hou aku e pili ana i kahi malihini maikaʻi. ʻO ia ka manaʻo o ka wehe ʻana i nā mea hiki ʻole me kahi kanaka ʻē aʻe - he nani loa. E ʻoluʻolu i kēlā manaʻo akā e makaʻala i ka hopena halo.
2. Paʻa mau maka
No ka mea ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o ke aloha pānaʻi i ka ʻike mua ʻana ma mua o ka ʻike ʻana iā ʻoe iho, e noʻonoʻo pono inā hoʻomau ʻoe i ka launa maka me ke kanaka hoʻokahi i ke ahiahi. ʻO ka hoʻopili ʻana i ka maka pololei ka mana nui. Hōʻike nā haʻawina i ko mākou lolo ʻoiaʻiʻo e hele i luna iki i ka nānā ʻana o ka maka no ka mea ke ʻike nei mākou aia kekahi kanaka noʻonoʻo a noʻonoʻo ma hope o kēlā mau maka. Inā ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke haʻalele i kou mau maka mai ka lolo o kekahi, pono e nānā.
3. Ua hele pū ʻia ke kuko me ka ʻoluʻolu
Inā makemake mākou i ka mea a mākou e ʻike ai, hiki iā mākou ke manaʻo nui i ka ʻoluʻolu, ka ʻimi a me ka manaʻolana, wahi a Donna Novak, kahi loea psychologist ma Pūʻulu Hoʻonaʻauao Simi . Hiki ke manaʻoʻiʻo he aloha kēia mau manaʻo, no ka mea, ua kahaha wale kekahi i ka mea a lākou e ʻike nei. E hilinaʻi i kou puʻuwai inā hoʻouna ia i nā hōʻailona o ke kuko a me ka manaʻolana.
ʻO nā hōʻailona ʻaʻole paha he aloha i ka ʻike mua
Nui nā mea e hana nei i loko o kou lolo i ka lā maʻamau, no laila e hoʻomaha iā ʻoe iho i ka wā e kū ai ʻoe me kahi hoa pili. Ke hele hewa nei kāu ʻōnaehana hopohopo a me ka endocrine, a paʻa ʻoe i ke kuhi hewa i kēlā me kēia manawa. ʻAʻole paha he aloha i ka ʻike mua inā…
1. Ua pau i kona hoomaka ana
hoʻohana i ka papaya no ka maka
Inā ʻaʻohe makemake lōʻihi e ʻike hou aʻe a pau kou hoihoi kino i ke kanaka i nīnau ʻia i ka wā e hele mai ai kekahi mea hou, ʻaʻole paha ia he aloha i ka ʻike mua.
2. Ke hoʻolālā koke nei ʻoe
papaʻai meaʻai no ka pohō kaumaha no kahi Inia
ʻO Kauka Britney Blair, ʻo ia ka papa i hōʻoia ʻia i ka lāʻau lapaʻau moe kolohe a ʻo ia ka Luna Nui ʻEpekema o ka polokalamu olakino olakino. Aloha , e ʻōlelo aʻo e kūʻē i ka ʻae ʻana i nā moʻolelo pilikino e lawe ma ka ʻoihana kemika.
Inā mākou e hoʻopili i kekahi moʻolelo i kēia pahū neurochemical ('ʻo ia wale nō iaʻu…') hiki iā mākou ke hoʻopaʻa i ka hopena o kēia kaʻina neurochemical kūlohelohe, no ka maikaʻi a i ʻole ka hewa. Ma ke kumu, mai kākau i ka RomCom ma mua o kou ʻike ʻana i ke aloha aloha.
3. ʻAʻole ʻae kāu ʻōlelo kino iā ʻoe
Hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻike i nā mea hoʻohālike maikaʻi loa āu i ʻike ai, akā inā paʻa kou ʻōpū a ʻike ʻole paha ʻoe iā ʻoe iho e hele ana i kou mau lima a hoʻonoho iā ʻoe iho mai o lākou, e hoʻolohe i kēlā mau hōʻailona. Ua hala kekahi mea. ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e kali a puni e ʻike i ka mea inā ʻaʻole ʻoe makemake. ʻO Kauka Laura Louis, he kanaka kālaiʻike laikini laikini a nona ka ʻO Atlanta Couple Therapy , ʻōlelo aʻo e ʻimi i kēia mau hōʻailona i ke kanaka ʻē aʻe, pū kekahi. ʻO ka maʻalahi o ka ʻōlelo a me ka ʻōlelo kino nā mea ʻelua i ka manaʻo mua, wahi āna. Inā ʻike mua ʻoe i kahi kanaka makemake ʻole e kamaʻilio pū me ʻoe (ʻo ia hoʻi, ʻo nā lima keʻa, nānā aku, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe) hiki ke hoʻopau loa.
Ke kānalua, hāʻawi manawa. ʻO ke aloha i ka ʻike mua he manaʻo hoihoi, aloha, akā ʻaʻole wale ke ala e hālāwai ai me ka hoa o kāu mau moeʻuhane. E nīnau wale iā Juliet.
RELATED: Nā hōʻailona 7 e hāʻule paha ʻoe i ke aloha (a pehea e hoʻokele ai i ke kaʻina hana)
