Eia ka ʻoiaʻiʻo hauʻoli e pili ana i ka launa ʻana ma luna o 50: E lili paha kāu mau hoa male lōʻihi. No ka mea i kēia makahiki, e loaʻa iā ʻoe a me kāu pūʻulu Gen X/Y nā keiki, nā hoʻololi kālā, ka lua a i ʻole ke kolu o ka male, ka maloʻo wahine, 3.5 mau ala ʻoihana ʻē aʻe - ma ka pōkole, nui nā pilikia. No laila, ʻoiai e ʻimi ʻia ana i loko o ka hauʻoli cohabitational me kou aloha ʻoiaʻiʻo he mea nui, kamaʻilio maoli: ʻEhia ka poʻe āu i ʻike ai iā lākou, ʻoiaʻiʻo? Eia ka pilina ma hope o 50 ma ke ʻano he do-over, he aloha mulligan i hiki ke hoʻonui i kou ʻike ola. Pehea e hiki ai ia mea? Ua kamaʻilio mākou me kahi sociologist, dating app tech guru, male kāne a me nā keonimana a, ʻae, kahi mea hoʻokūkū e pili ana i nā hana maikaʻi loa no ka pili ʻana ma luna o 50.
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ʻO Alistair Berg/Getty Images1. E noʻonoʻo i kāu mea e makemake ai
ʻO ka poʻe a pau—e pili ana i ka poʻe ʻoihana i ka hauʻoli kaiapuni—ʻae: ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi ʻike hoʻokipa maikaʻi inā ʻoe e hoʻolilo i kekahi manawa e noʻonoʻo i kāu mea e makemake ai mai kahi lā. Ua ʻōlelo kekahi kanaka Brooklyn hoʻokahi ma waena o kona mau makahiki he 50 me kahi keikikāne ʻōpio, ua koho ʻo ia i nā wahine wale nō me nā keiki e nīnau aku, me ka manaʻo ua loaʻa iā lākou nā keiki a ʻaʻole makemake lākou e hoʻomaka i kahi ʻohana e like me nā wahine i loaʻa ʻole keiki. . A ʻo Pepper Schwartz, ke kaukaʻi o ka sociology ma ke Kulanui o Wakinekona a me ka mea kākau o Ka launa ʻana ma hope o 50 no nā Dummies , manaʻo ʻoe e koho i ʻelima mau hiʻohiʻona nui o ka lā hiki ke loaʻa. Ma kāna puke, hōʻike ʻo Schwartz i nā ʻano he 25 (me ka naʻauao, ka mālie, ka noʻonoʻo a me ka hula maikaʻi) a manaʻo i ka poʻe heluhelu e koho i ʻelima e ʻimi ai. ʻO ka mea hoihoi, loaʻa pū ʻo ia i kahi papa inoa o nā hiʻohiʻona hoʻokaʻawale (e like me ka mea puhi paka, ʻaʻole hoihoi i ka hoʻoikaika kino a i ʻole ka hana) a manaʻo e koho i ʻelima o ia mau mea e nānā ai.
2. E hoʻomaʻamaʻa hou i kāu hui ʻana
Loaʻa i nā comics kū ka mea i kapa ʻia he ʻelima paʻa. ʻElima mau minuke o nā ʻakaʻaka maikaʻi a me nā anecdotes e hiki ke hoʻohauʻoli i ka lehulehu. ʻAʻole hoʻomākaukau nui nā Comics i kēia e hauʻoli ai ka lehulehu; hana lākou i mea e hiki ai iā lākou ke hoʻokuʻu i nā minuke ʻelima mua o ka nānā ʻana i ke kahua me ka ʻole o ka hau e like me ka dia i loko o nā kukui a i ʻole ke kamaʻilio ʻana i loko o kahi hāmau. ʻO ka lima paʻa e kōkua i ka ʻoluʻolu o ka comic. E hoʻomākaukau i kāu mana iho he ʻumi minuke o kēia, kahi kamaʻilio māmā a hauʻoli e pili ana i kāu mau makemake nui a me nā ʻano (kāu hana, nā keiki, nā ʻīlio, MacArthur Grant, ka mea maʻamau) ʻoiai e waiho ana i kahi lumi no kāu lā e pane ai a alakaʻi i ke kamaʻilio. ma kahi ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, inā makemake lākou. E hoʻomanaʻo, hopohopo nā mea a pau i ka hālāwai ʻana me kahi kanaka hou, no laila ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kou hoʻopili ʻana a me ka ʻoluʻolu, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka manawa e hoʻomālamalama ai nā mea a pau. ʻOiai inā hiki i kāu lā ke haʻi iā ʻoe ua hana ʻoe i kāu kamaʻilio, mahalo lākou iā ʻoe i ka hana. ʻO ke kumu aʻo kamaʻilio ʻo Jennifer Wexler, ka mea nāna i hoʻokumu E ʻimi i ke aloha maoli ma hope o 40 , 'Ōlelo mai i ka wā e kūʻai aku ai iā lākou iho, pono nā wāhine i ka upbeat a me ka pāʻani. Pono lākou e kaʻana like i nā moʻolelo e hōʻike ana i ko lākou ʻano pilikino a me nā makemake. Inā makemake ka wahine i ka haʻuki, pono e kaʻana like i kahi moʻolelo poina e pili ana i kahi ʻike i loaʻa iā ia kahi pāʻani. Pono ʻo ia e hoʻokomo i kona manaʻo. He mea nui i ke kāne ke ʻike i ke ʻano o ka noho ʻana me kēia wahine. ʻAʻole paha e hana i ka uliuli, e like me ka ʻōlelo ʻana o nā comics: Makemake ʻoe e pale i ka moe kolohe, wahi a Wexler.
Nā Kiʻi Chainarong Prasertthai/Getty3. E hoaloha me ka ʻenehana
ʻO nā polokalamu ka launa pū ke ʻano o ka hui ʻana o ka poʻe i kēia lā: Wahi a a 2019 Pew Research haʻawina , Ua hoʻohana ka 30 pakeneka o ka poʻe mākua o ʻAmelika i kahi polokalamu pili. Eia nō naʻe, o kēlā helu, ʻo 16 wale nō ka nui o nā makahiki he 50 i ʻōlelo ʻia ua hoʻohana lākou i kahi app dating. Hōʻike ia i ka mana nui no nā ʻoihana e lawelawe i ka mākeke pākeke ulu me nā ʻenehana hou. ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e hoʻohana i nā polokalamu swiping ma hope o 45, wahi a Adam Cohen Aslatei, ka mea hoʻokumu a me ka Luna Nui o S'More , he polokalamu i hoʻokuʻu ʻia ma ka hoʻomaka ʻana o 2020 i loko o ʻewalu mahina ua ulu aʻe i 70,000 mea hoʻohana ma New York City, Boston, Washington, D.C. a me Los Angeles. No ka mea, ma ia manawa, ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi. I ka hopena o ka lā, pono ʻoe e hoʻopili me ka ʻuhane o ke kanaka, ʻaʻole nui me ke kuko. ʻO S'More (i kapa ʻia no ka poʻe e ʻimi nei i kahi mea ʻoi aku ma mua o ka ʻike maʻamau maʻamau) he ala kū hoʻokahi o ka hana. I mea e mālama ai i nā mea hoʻohana mai ka hana ʻana i nā hoʻoholo paʻa e pili ana i kahi selfie, hiki iā ʻoe ke nānā i ke ʻano o nā kiʻi e hōʻike ana i ka makemake o kahi kanaka a lākou i hoʻouka ai. A laila, ma hope o ka leka uila ʻana i kekahi i kekahi i kekahi mau manawa, hiki iā ʻoe ke kamaʻilio wikiō me lākou. A eia ka anti-superficial dating app sauce special sauce: E kamaʻilio ʻoe kekahi i kekahi no ʻelua mau minuke me nā pale polū. Ma laila wale nō ʻoe e ʻike ai i nā kiʻi ʻaoʻao o kēlā me kēia. Ua like kā mākou huahana Aloha, ua makapo ia , wahi a Aslatei, e ʻike i ke kanaka ma mua o kou ʻike ʻana iā lākou. Ua ʻōlelo ʻo Wexler ua ʻike ʻo ia e mahalo nā wahine hana i ka maʻalahi o ka launa pūnaewele. ʻO kahi laʻana, he mau makahiki i hala aku nei ua hana koʻu hoa, ʻo Carol, i kāna hana manawa piha i ke aʻo ʻana a me ka hānai ʻana i kāna kaikamahine, no laila ʻaʻohe ona manawa e hele ai e hālāwai me nā kāne. Ua hāʻawi aku nā pūnaewele pili pūnaewele iā ia i kahi manawa kūpono e kamaʻilio me nā kāne like ʻole. Ma kahi o ke aumoe, ma hope o ka pau ʻana o ka helu ʻana i nā pepa a waiho ʻo ia i kāna kaikamahine e moe, e hele ʻo ia i Match.com a nānā i nā ʻaoʻao i loaʻa. ʻAʻole i liʻuliʻu ma mua o kona hālāwai ʻana me ke kāne i lilo i kāne nāna.
4. Akā, e noʻonoʻo ma waho o ka App, pū kekahi
ʻOiai ʻaʻole like me ka nui o ka hana ke kau inoa ʻana i hoʻokahi a i ʻole ʻelua mau polokalamu kaʻahele, hōʻike nā mea hoʻohana i ka hoʻolilo ʻana i nā hola he nui ma nā pūnaewele, e pane ana a nīnau i nā nīnau, e like me kā lākou hana ma kahi hana hapa manawa. Hoʻohui ia i ka manawa a me ka hoʻoikaika ʻana e hana i kahi ʻaoʻao mua, a me ka noʻonoʻo ʻana i ka hoʻohana ʻana i kahi kiʻi paʻi kiʻi ʻaʻole wale no ka paʻi kiʻi mua akā no nā kiʻi hou i ka wā e mau ana kāu ʻaoʻao. No laila e hoʻomau ʻoe iā ʻoe, akā ma kahi o kēlā, makemake ʻoe e wehe i kou mau maka i nā pilina aloha i kou ola i kēlā me kēia lā. (ʻO ka Brooklynite a mākou i nīnauele ai ua hoʻopaʻa ʻia i kahi pilina lōʻihi me kahi makuahine hoʻokahi mai ke kula waena o kāna keiki ma hope o kona ʻike ʻana e noho ana ʻo ia ma kāna hale.)
5. E noʻonoʻo i kahi mea hoʻokūkū
Manaʻo nui ka poʻe e pili ana i ka launa ʻana i kēia manawa, a ʻo ka hana pū ʻana me kahi mea hoʻokūkū ʻoihana hiki ke hōʻoia e hālāwai ʻoe i ka maikaʻi o nā kāne a me nā wahine āu e ʻimi nei, wahi a Callie Harris, ka mea hoʻokūkū kiʻekiʻe ma ʻEkolu Lā Rula . ʻAʻole wale kāu matchmaker e hana i nā hana paʻakikī a pau o ka ʻimi ʻana a me ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana i nā lā, akā i ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa, mālama lākou i ka positivity e kahe ana me nā hiʻohiʻona e noʻonoʻo ai i mea e leʻaleʻa ai ka launa ʻana a me ka hālāwai ʻana me nā poʻe. No ka laʻana, wehewehe ʻo Harris iā mākou he mea leʻaleʻa maoli ka launa ʻana inā ʻaʻohe koi o ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi hoa hanai keiki me ka nānā ʻana i nā mea maikaʻi o kou ola (hiki paha iā ʻoe ke loaʻa ka loaʻa kālā i kēia manawa a i ʻole kahi papa hana maʻalahi). A laila, pono ʻoe e hōʻoia aia ʻoe ma ka ʻaoʻao like me kāu mea hoʻokūkū. Ua kamaʻilio mākou me kahi wahine kāne make ʻo Arizona i kona mau makahiki he 50 me ʻelua mau keikikāne i kipa aku i kahi mea hoʻokūkū Iudaio nāna i hoʻonohonoho iā ia me kahi kāne keiki ʻole, a ua lilo ia i mea hoʻopaʻapaʻa nona, ʻoiai ʻaʻole ʻo ia i maopopo i ka nui o ka manawa a me ka nānā. pono nā keiki. Ua hoʻopau ʻo ia i ka manaʻo ʻaʻole i pili wale i kāna hoa aloha akā ʻo kāna mea hoʻokūkū hoʻi, ka mea āna i manaʻo ai ua ʻike mua ʻo ia i kēia kuhi hewa, no laila ua pau ʻo ia i ka hoʻāʻo ʻana i kahi pāʻani ʻē aʻe (a me ka haʻalele ʻana o ka mea hoʻokūkū i kāna uku).
Nā Kiʻi Geber86/Getty6. E hoʻomaka e pili ana i ka moekolohe
Manaʻo ʻo Schwartz iā ʻoe e kamaʻilio ma mua o kou moe ʻana, inā hoʻololi ʻoe a i ʻole kāu hoa pili i ko lākou manaʻo e pili ana i ka pili. E ʻōlelo maoli: 'Ma mua o ko kāua moe ʻana, makemake wau e kamaʻilio e pili ana i kekahi mau mea nui iaʻu a e haʻi pū aku iā ʻoe i kekahi mau mea e pili ana iaʻu iho e pono ai ʻoe e ʻike,' kākau ʻo ia ma Ka launa ʻana ma hope o 50 no nā Dummies . Ma waena o nā kumuhana āu e makemake ai e uhi, ʻo ia kāu mau manaʻo (a ʻaʻole ʻole) o ka monogamy, nā palena kino āu e loaʻa ai a, ʻoiaʻiʻo hoʻi, ka wahine palekana. Ua ʻae ʻo Schwartz e hopohopo paha ʻoe i ka lawe ʻana i kēia mau kumuhana akā ʻo ka hoʻolaha ʻana i ke kumuhana e hoʻokuʻu maoli i kāu hoa e hōʻike i nā mea like e pili ana iā lākou iho. ʻO ka hopena Net, kahi huila huila manuahi e kōkua maoli i ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana i nā ʻano ʻino a puni ka wahine. Ma luna aʻe o nā mea a pau, e hoʻāʻo ʻaʻole e makaʻala i ka hopohopo hana, kākau ʻo ia: He kakaikahi ka poʻe e manaʻo nei i kā lākou hoa 50-plus he mea haʻuki wahine.
7. E noonoo i ke Waiwai
Makemake ʻoe i nā hōʻike kīwī Pelekane pohihihi me nā ʻāina posh Brit? Huli aku Eli Gula ma ka TV Acorn. I loko o ia mea, kamaʻilio ʻo Ben Barnes i kahi kāne male kāne he kanahā mau makahiki me Julia Ormond i kahi hale hōʻikeʻike a hoʻomaka lākou i kahi hihia torrid. Akā ʻaʻole hiki i ka ʻilihune ʻo Julia Ormond ke hoʻomaha me kāna mau keiki a ua manaʻo ʻo ex-kāne e hoʻohana ana ka chap sexy i kā lākou makuahine aloha a me ex i mea e hoʻohauʻoli ai i kāna mau hōkele hōkele a me ka manse ʻāina. ʻO ia ... kahi manaʻo i manaʻo ʻia ua kākau ʻia kahi moʻolelo televise a puni ia. Ma waho aʻe o ka hoʻoholo ʻana o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, e noʻonoʻo i kāu ʻike kālā. He aha ka ʻae ʻana o kāu kūlana kālā? Loaʻa iā ʻoe ka loaʻa kālā e hoʻolilo i nā lā? Hiki iā ʻoe ke kiʻi i ka ʻeke no kekahi, inā ʻaʻole hiki iā lākou? Ua ʻoluʻolu paha ʻoe e hana i kēlā? Ma nā mea o ka ʻeke kālā a i ʻole nā mea o ka puʻuwai, e like me Wexler , Pono nā wāhine ma luna o 50 e aʻo i ka 'hele lohi a ʻōlelo ʻaʻole.' Pono ka manawa e ʻike maoli ai i kahi kāne a ʻaʻole pono lākou e wikiwiki i ka pilina a pono lākou e aʻo e ʻōlelo 'ʻaʻole' i kekahi kāne a pili paha ʻaʻole kūpono iā lākou.
Nā Kiʻi Getty/Westend618. E mākaukau ka lā maikaʻi e nānā
Ua hoʻomaʻamaʻa maikaʻi ʻo Kim France i ke akamai o ka lole ʻaʻahu ʻoluʻolu a me ka ʻoluʻolu i kona wā hoʻoponopono. Laki nūpepa. Ua kākau ka 50-mea ma kāna blog, Kaikamahine o kekahi mau makahiki , ʻO ia ke nānā aku nei i nā lole nani wale i ka lā, maʻamau he kiʻekiʻe maikaʻi mai nā mea hana like Isabel marant a i ole he cami e like me keia mai Nili Lotan a me nā pants ʻili mai ka ʻili a hiki i ka denim. Kūleʻa pū mākou i kekahi o kēia ʻAʻole hiki ke hala i nā mea pono o nā lole no nā wāhine 50+. Ka lole no ka hiki ʻana mai o Zoom dating? Paipai mākou iā ʻoe e ʻaʻahu i ka pālule i kahi kala e nani ai ʻoe, me kahi poʻe hoʻonaninani i ʻaʻahu ʻia ma mua o nā maka maka i kapa ʻia. lipstick a ʻaʻohe pants, no ka mea, ʻo wai ka manaʻo? Ma ka noʻonoʻo ʻelua, ʻōlelo ʻo S'More dating app CEO ʻo nā huakaʻi home wikiō he ʻano ia no nā lā hou e aʻo hou aʻe e pili ana i kekahi, no laila e pili ana paha he wiwi lua ma ka lalo he kuʻikahi hana.
9. E kūkulu i kou ʻiʻo kūpaʻa
ʻOiai ʻo ka hele ʻana i nā lā e pili ana i ka hōʻino a hōʻole ʻia paha, ua ʻōlelo ʻo Schwartz e hoʻomanaʻo i kāna manaʻo o ka pineapple, e like me kēia - ʻoiai ua manaʻo ʻia ka paina he mea ʻono, ʻaʻole makemake nā kānaka a pau. (E ʻohi ʻo Schwartz iā ia iho i nā ʻāpana paina mai nā hua salakeke āna i lawelawe ai.) Pono ʻoe e kūpaʻa, ʻōlelo ʻo ia. ʻAʻohe mea makemake i nā mea a pau, ʻaʻole makemake kekahi poʻe i ka pineapple a ʻaʻole makemake kekahi poʻe iaʻu, he ʻono wale nō. ʻO ka hoʻoikaika hou ʻana mai Harris mai, ʻo ia i kāna mau lā hoʻokūkū i ʻike-a hana i nā pāʻani he nui, no laila ʻōlelo ʻo ia mai ka ʻike. ʻO ka hapa nui o nā poʻe a pau i loko o kāu [makahiki 50+] wai puna wai ma kahi pā pāʻani, wahi a Harris. Inā manaʻo ʻoe ʻo ʻoe wale nō ka mea i hemo a hoʻokele i ka ʻāina pili ʻole, ke hoʻohiki nei au iā ʻoe, ʻaʻole ʻoe wale nō! A e hoʻomanaʻo, loaʻa iā ʻoe nā koho. ʻO ka pilina pili e pili ana i ka ʻohi ʻana i ka ʻike a ma ka hopena o ka lā inā hoʻoholo ʻoe ʻaʻole kūpono ʻo ia iā ʻoe, a laila e neʻe, wahi a Wexler. ʻAʻole pono e hana hewa iā ia. Mai hoʻohewa iā ia - ʻaʻole ʻoe makemake e hoʻokolokolo ʻo ia iā ʻoe.
