Inā male ʻoe, ʻaʻole ia he mea nui inā ʻoe he 24 a i ʻole 44-i ka wā e pili ana i kou ola aloha, nā mea a pau he manao. A ʻoiaʻiʻo, hiki iā ʻoe ke lawe i ka ʻōlelo aʻo ʻole mai kou hoahānau ʻo Becky a i ʻole kou hoalauna nosy, akā eia kahi manaʻo maikaʻi: E hoʻolohe i nā mea maikaʻi. Ua paʻi mākou i nā kumu aʻo, nā mea hoʻokūkū ʻoihana a me nā loea pilina no kā lākou ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo maikaʻi loa no ka pili ʻana ma hope o 40. Aia kekahi ton o nā ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo nui e koho mai, akā hoʻokahi mea hiki iā mākou ke ʻae aku? ʻAʻohe manawa maikaʻi aʻe e ʻimi ai i ke aloha ʻoiaʻiʻo. Inā ʻoe e hoʻi hou ana i ka pāʻani ma hope o ka hemo ʻana a i ʻole ka haʻihaʻi ʻana, a ʻaʻole paha ʻoe i ʻike i ke kanaka kūpono, e ʻae kēia mau ʻōlelo naʻauao iā ʻoe e ʻimi i kāu hoa kūpono.
PILI: 9 ʻO nā maʻamau ka launa pū ʻana i hiki ke loaʻa iā ʻoe a pehea e hoʻoponopono ai
ʻO Thomas Barwick/Getty Images1. E ike i kou makemake
ʻAʻole mākou e kamaʻilio e pili ana i ke ʻano o ke kanaka āu e makemake ai e noho pū me ʻoe - e noʻonoʻo i ke ʻano o ka pilina āu e makemake ai e komo pū. Makemake ʻoe e loaʻa nā keiki, no ka laʻana? i nīnau ai i ka mea akamai i ka launa pū ʻana ʻo Betsy Johnson, ka mea hoʻokipa o ka hōʻike lekiō ʻO nā wikiwiki ʻaina awakea . ʻO ka pili ʻana ma hope o 40 hiki ke manaʻo i ka loaʻa ʻana o nā keiki inā he mea āu e makemake ai, a ʻo ia paha ke ʻano o ka hui ʻana i nā hoa hana e hānai nei i kā lākou. E hoʻoholo inā he mea haʻihaʻi kēia no ʻoe a i ʻole he mea āu e wehe ai e ʻimi. E ʻike i kāu nonnegotiables, ʻōlelo ʻo ia. A eia kekahi nūhou maikaʻi: ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kou ʻike ʻana i kāu mea e makemake ai i kēia manawa ma mua o ʻumi makahiki i hala. Malia paha he 30 mau makahiki ua hoihoi ʻia ʻoe i kahi kāne me ka manaʻo nui ... a hiki i kou ʻike ʻana ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e hoʻolimalima i kekahi manawa maikaʻi. Mahalo i ka ʻike, ua ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ʻoe i kāu mau pono. A i ka manawa āu i noʻonoʻo ai i ka mea nui i loko o ka hoa pili a me ka pilina, mai hoʻopaʻa ʻoe i ka mea liʻiliʻi, wahi a ke kauka psychologist Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., ka mea kākau o ʻO ka ʻelemakule Hauʻoli . Manaʻo nā wahine he kanahā a ma waho aʻe ua ʻelemakule lākou no ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi hoa maikaʻi, haʻi ʻo ia iā mākou. Akā ʻaʻole hiki ke ʻoi aku kēia mai ka ʻoiaʻiʻo. ʻO ka hana ʻana e ʻike a apo i kou kūpono-ʻo nā pōmaikaʻi kupaianaha iā ʻoe iho a me kou ola holoʻokoʻa-ʻo ia ke ala maikaʻi loa e launa pū me ka hilinaʻi ponoʻī a me ka hauʻoli, wahi āna.2. Mai Makaʻu i ka ʻenehana
Inā he manawa lōʻihi mai kou hele ʻana i ka pāʻani, e kāhāhā paha ʻoe i ka nui o nā kāne e hui ai ma ka pūnaewele i kēia mau lā (ma kahi o 40 pakeneka, e like me kēia haʻawina ʻo Stanford University ). A ʻo ka noʻonoʻo ʻana e hālāwai me kekahi ma o kahi pūnaewele, kahi app a i ʻole ma ka ʻoihana pūnaewele hiki ke hoʻoweliweli. Ma kahi o ka shying mai ia mea, e lilo i wahi o ia mea a e ae i keia mea hiki maoli i ka hou a me ka hana ala e halawai kanaka no ka launa pū, wahi a re lationship kākā'ōlelo Sophia Reed, Ph.D. Hiki paha iā ʻoe ke hoʻāʻo e hui pū me nā pūnaewele pili e pili ana i nā wahine ma luna o 40, hoʻohui ʻo ia. I ka hana ʻana i kahi ʻaoʻao, mai noʻonoʻo nui ʻoe - pili i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo a hauʻoli. ( Psst : Eia kekahi mau moʻolelo pili pili pūnaewele e hoʻoikaika iā ʻoe.)
ʻO Manuel Breva Colmeiro / Nā kiʻi kiʻi kiʻi3. Akā, Mai hilinaʻi nui i ka ʻenehana
ʻIke mākou, mākou wale i ʻōlelo iā ʻoe e kau ma luna o ke kaʻaahi kaʻaahi pūnaewele. Akā, i ka manawa e hoʻopau ai ʻoe i ka makaʻu mua o ka launa pūnaewele, maʻalahi ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana i loko o laila e poina iā ʻoe, ʻike ʻoe, ʻoiaʻiʻo lā. Hiki ke leʻaleʻa a me ka leʻaleʻa ka hoʻouna ʻana i hope (a ʻoi aku ka makaʻu ma mua o ke kamaʻilio ʻana he alo a he alo), akā inā ʻo ka pahuhopu ka lā, a laila pono ʻoe e hele i kahi lā, wahi a Reed. Inā makemake nui kāu mea hoihoi i ka leka uila a i ʻole ka leka uila iā ʻoe ma mua o ka kamaʻilio maoli ʻana a me ka hoʻopili kino ʻana, a laila haʻalele, ʻōlelo ʻo ia. No ka mea ua loli ka manawa ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo ʻoe e hoʻopau i kou manawa.4. E apo i kāu ʻeke...
Hiki iā ʻoe ke loaʻa i nā ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo pili ʻole ʻole no kou mau makahiki, akā hoʻokahi mea āu i ʻike ʻole ai? ʻO kēlā ukana a pau. E noʻonoʻo i nā pilina ma mua (ʻae, ʻo nā mea i hāʻule ʻole) i mau haʻawina a me nā ʻike e aʻo ai, wahi a ke kumu aʻoaʻo a me ka pilina ʻo Rosalind Sedacca, ka mea kākau o 99 Nā mea a nā wahine i makemake ai e ʻike lākou ma mua o ka pili ʻana ma hope o 40, 50 a me ʻAe, 60! ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hana i nā koho maikaʻi aʻe inā ʻaʻole ʻoe i hoʻololi i kou manaʻo a me nā mea nui e pili ana i kāu pilina maikaʻi a i ʻole kāu hoa pili, wahi āna. E noʻonoʻo e pili ana i nā pilina ma mua āu i noho ai a me ka mea i hana maikaʻi a maikaʻi ʻole paha. Malia paha he mau makahiki i hala aku nei, aia ʻoe me kahi pepeke kaiaulu nāna i haʻi i nā moʻolelo ʻoluʻolu loa. Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe i ʻike i kēlā Ua launa pū ʻoe me kahi narcissist a ʻaʻohe o ia mau moʻolelo i nānā maoli. Ua aʻo ʻia kēlā ʻike iā ʻoe e ʻoi aku ka wiwo ʻole, a ke noʻonoʻo nei ʻoe, makemake ʻoe e noho i ka home i nā ahiahi. Haʻawina i aʻo ʻia.
hoʻoikaika kino no ka hoʻemi ʻana i ka momona lima
5. … ʻOiai he ʻeha
Inā uaʻikeʻoe i ka trauma mai nā pilina ma mua, he mea nui e hoʻoponopono i kēia ma mua o ke komoʻana i kahi pilina hou. E ʻimi i ke kōkua ʻoihana inā pono e hoʻomaʻemaʻe (e like me ka hiki) i nā ʻeha kahiko a i ʻole nā pilikia āu e hakakā nei. ʻO ka lawe ʻana i nā ʻeke kahiko i loko o nā pilina hou e hoʻoulu ai i nā pilikia a me nā ʻano like ʻole, wahi a Manly. A e ʻae iā ʻoe iho e kamaʻilio e pili ana iā ia, inā makemake ʻoe e hana pēlā. Mai makaʻu i ka haʻi ʻana i kāu i hala—e hoʻomaopopo pono ʻoe e ʻōlelo i kāu mea i aʻo ai a me kāu kuleana, aʻo ka loea pili pili. Tracy Crossley . Hoʻokahi mea hou aʻe: E hoʻomau i ka noʻonoʻo i ka wā e pili ana i nā ukana a nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. E hoʻomanaʻo, ʻaʻole nui nā mea a lākou i hana ai akā nā mea a lākou i aʻo ai.
Hinterhaus Productions/Getty Images6. Noho Pono
Malia paha ʻaʻole hiki i kāu hoaaloha ke hoʻōki i ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana e pili ana i ke ʻano o nā lā ʻoluʻolu āna i hele ai i kēia mau lā. A i ʻole ke kānalua nei ʻoe ma hope o kahi pilina paʻa ʻole. He mea paʻakikī ke hana, akā e hoʻāʻo e hoʻololi i kēlā cynicism me ka positivity, wahi a nā loea. Makemake ʻoe e hōʻoia i ka hauʻoli o ka ikaika āu e hoʻopuka nei a ʻaʻole ʻawaʻawa, wahi a mea hoʻokūkū ʻo Rori Sassoon . Akā pehea ʻoe e hana ai inā ʻaʻole ʻoe i manaʻo? Hoʻopunipuni a hiki i kou hana ʻana. A e hōʻike iā ʻoe iho i ke aloha ma ka hoʻonui ʻana i kou hiʻohiʻona a hoʻopuni iā ʻoe iho me nā hoaaloha upbeat. Mai hōʻino, hoʻohui mea hoʻokūkū ʻo Susan Nā pū kani . Ua ʻike au i ka haʻalele ʻana o nā wahine i nā pāʻina a haʻi aku ʻo nā kāne a pau i makemake ʻia ʻo nā wahine ʻōpio i laila. Akā, ua ʻike wau ua hoihoi kekahi iā lākou a ua nele lākou! Noho maikaʻi a hāʻawi i ka poʻe i kahi manawa, wahi āna.7. E aʻo i kāu ʻōlelo aloha
Ua lohe paha ʻoe ʻO 5 ʻŌlelo Aloha ? Hoʻokumu ʻia e ke kākāʻōlelo male a me ka mea kākau ʻo Gary Chapman, Ph.D., ʻo ke kumumanaʻo e kamaʻilio nā mea a pau i ke aloha ma kekahi o nā ala ʻelima: nā huaʻōlelo o ka hōʻoia, nā makana, nā hana lawelawe, ka manawa maikaʻi a i ʻole ka pā kino. Wahi a Chapman, ʻo ke kī o kēlā me kēia pilina aloha ʻo ka hiki ke ʻōlelo i ka ʻōlelo aloha a kāu hoa a hoʻomaopopo i kāu ʻōlelo. E ʻōlelo kākou, no ka laʻana, ʻo kāu ʻōlelo aloha he mau ʻōlelo hōʻoia. ʻO kēlā ʻano ikaika akā hāmau ʻaʻole ʻike pehea e uku ai i kahi hoʻomaikaʻi? ʻAʻole paha he pāʻani maikaʻi loa iā ʻoe. Eia kahi nīnau nīnau ʻōlelo aloha ʻelima e kōkua iā ʻoe e ʻike i kāu makemake a me kou makemake.
ka launa pū ʻana o ka leo a me ka libra
Nā kiʻi ʻo TheStewartofNY / Getty8. E kiʻi i ka nānā ʻana
ʻO kahi LBD maʻamau, kahi ʻaʻahu velvet jumpsuit a i ʻole kekahi mau jeans kaila a me kahi kāleʻa i hoʻopaʻa ʻia-ʻo kēlā me kēia mea, loaʻa kahi lole hele-i ka ʻoluʻolu a hoʻomaikaʻi iā ʻoe. ʻAʻole maopopo kahi e hoʻomaka ai? E hele e kūʻai aku me kāu mea maikaʻi loa a i ʻole e noi iā ia e hōʻea i kou keʻena. E hōʻoia wale ʻoe e like me kou hilinaʻi nui iā ʻoe iho i nā mea āu e koho ai. Eia kekahi mau manaʻo e hoʻoikaika iā ʻoe.9. A Hoʻokahi Mea Hou…
Mai haʻalele i ke aloha, wahi a Renée Suzanne . ʻAʻole wau a hauʻoli nui wau. He kumu aʻoaʻo ola hōʻoia ʻo ia i hui me kāna kāne ma Tinder ma hope o nā makahiki o ka noho hoʻokahi (a ma hope o ka wahine kāne make me ʻehā keiki). Pehea ʻo ia i hana ai? Ua lawe ʻo ia i ke kuleana a mālama ʻo ia i ka launa pū ʻana e like me nā akamai ʻē aʻe i hiki ke aʻo ʻia. E hoʻomanaʻo wale, hana maikaʻi ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa.
PILI: 7 Manaʻo no ka launa pū ʻana ma hope o ka hemo ʻana, e like me ka ʻōlelo a kahi kumu aʻo
