Hōʻike nā ʻikepili iā mākou he 42 pakeneka o nā makuahine ka mea hoʻokahi a i ʻole nā mea hana mua no ko lakou mau ohana, a aneane 40 pakeneka o na wahine hoʻokaʻawale i kā lākou kāne . A me nā haʻawina (like ekahi mai ke kula ʻoihana ʻo Harvard) e hōʻike ana he hopena nui kēia i nā pilina. Akā, ua loaʻa iā ʻoe kēlā MBA / hoʻolaha / keʻena kihi, dammit; ʻO kāu male ʻana e loaʻa i kāu uku. Kauka psychiatrist a kūʻai maikaʻi loa mea kākau Kaʻana like ʻo Kauka Gail Saltz i nā mea hina maʻamau no nā kāne me nā waihona waihona kālā kaulike ʻole, a me nā hoʻolālā no ka pili pū ʻana.
PILI: 5 mau ala e lilo ai i mea hou i kāu male
iwakālua20ʻO ka hoʻohuli ʻana i ke kāne kāne ke pepehi nei i kou ola moekolohe
ʻO ka nui o nā wahine i ka hana ʻai mua, a i ʻole e hana wale ana i nā mea ʻoi aku ma mua o kā lākou kāne, ʻo ia ka manaʻo o nā stereotypes kāne ʻaʻole i wehewehe ʻia a ʻoi loa paha e like me ka wā ma mua, wahi a Saltz. He mea maikaʻi kēlā. Akā, ma kahi o ka lumi moe. ʻO ia kahi e loaʻa ai i ka poʻe nā manaʻo moe kolohe e hoʻohuli ʻia a puni [nā kuʻuna stereotypes]-ʻaʻole i ke ala a lākou e makemake ai. ʻoiaʻiʻo i ka lā, akā he mea koʻikoʻi ia o ko lākou ola moemoeā. A inā e kūʻē loa ke ʻano o kā lākou nānā ʻana i kekahi i kēlā, hiki ke hoʻopilikia i ka pilina a me ka hoʻāla. ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e hoʻololi i kāu kēia manawa nā kuleana, akā pono ʻoe e ʻoki i kou pāpale i kēlā mau mea. ʻO ka nīnau, Pehea e hiki ai iā ʻoe, i loko o ke keʻena moe, ke hana i nā mea e kōkua ai kekahi i kekahi e hauʻoli nui i kāu mau kuleana inā ʻoi aku ka noʻonoʻo ma mua o ka ʻoiaʻiʻo.
PILI: 8 Nā mea huna o nā kāne male me nā ola wahine nui
iwakālua20Ke haʻalele nei ʻoe
Manaʻo kekahi mau kāne [ʻo ka loaʻa ʻana o ka liʻiliʻi] e hōʻemi ana iā lākou, a i ʻole e hoʻopaʻapaʻa iā lākou, a i ʻole ka hoʻokūkū, 'nalo' lākou i kā lākou kāne, wahi a Saltz, me ka hoʻohui ʻana ʻaʻole kēia he hopena honua. ʻO lākou paha mai hana makemake e apo i ka hana o ka hana hou ana ma ka home; ʻaʻole ia e hōʻoluʻolu iā lākou, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o lākou. He mea paʻakikī kēlā iā lākou. Ke hoʻopaʻapaʻa a hoʻopaʻapaʻa paha e pili ana i kēia, ʻaʻole hiki ke pane ʻia, 'Auē, e hoʻōki i ka manaʻo ʻana i ka maikaʻi' no ka maikaʻi. pilikia a pilikia paha. E noʻonoʻo pehea e kōkua ai kekahi i kekahi e ʻoluʻolu i kēia mau kuleana. Malia paha aia kekahi mau hana e hiki ai iā ia ke hana i mea e manaʻo ai ʻo ia i ka 'kāne.' E pili ana i ka hale, hoʻoponopono i ke kaʻa, ʻo kēlā me kēia mea.
hoʻohana i ka wai rose i ka pō
iwakālua20He ambivalent ʻoe—a ʻaʻole ʻoe iā ia
No nā wahine, hiki ke paʻakikī ke [loaʻa hou aku]. ʻO ka wahine hoʻokahi paha makemake e lilo i mea hoohana nui a me makemake Hiki paha i kahi hana mana kiʻekiʻe ke manaʻo e kūʻē ʻia aia ke kuleana iā ia [e lilo i mea hoʻolako], wahi a Saltz. Hiki paha iā ia ke kū'ē i ka liʻiliʻi o ka manawa no ka mālama mua ʻana i kāna mau keiki. A loaʻa paha iā ia nā manaʻo kānalua e pili ana i [kāna kāne ʻaʻole] e hilinaʻi ma [ke kālā], a i ʻole e pale ʻia ma ia ʻano. ʻAʻohe o kēia, ʻōlelo ʻo Saltz, maʻalahi. No ka hana i ʻike ʻole ʻia, ʻōlelo ʻo ia: Loaʻa paha i nā wahine kēlā kaumaha a huhū iā ia, akā hiki nō iā lākou, ma kekahi pae, makemake ia. ʻO lākou makemake ʻo ia ka mea e lawe i nā keiki i ka pediatrician, e ʻike i ke kaupaona ʻana a me ke ana ʻana, a ke manaʻo nei lākou i ka nalowale inā ʻaʻole lākou e hiki. No nā wahine he nui, aia kahi ambivalence ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī o ka hoʻopili ʻana i ka makemake ʻelua a huhu ana. Hiki ke kōkua i ka ʻike ʻana a me ka lawe ʻana i kekahi mau mea koʻikoʻi loa (nā koho kauka o kāu mau keiki, kā lākou papa hana extracurricular)—a laila e hāʻawi i ke koena.
iwakālua20Ua nalowale kona manao
Manaʻo mau nā hoa kāne, 'ʻAe, ʻaʻole wau e hoʻokūkū me kaʻu wahine.' Akā ʻo nā kāne maoli hana hoʻokūkū, inā paha lākou e ʻike a ʻaʻole paha, wahi a Saltz. Ke loaʻa ka wahine i ka nui a / a i ʻole ka hana ʻana o kāna kāne, hiki iā ia ke hoʻoulu i ka insecurity a me nā nīnau e like me 'Well, a laila, he aha kaʻu domain?' Hoʻoulu pinepine ka insecurity i ka huhū a me ka huhū. No nā poʻe he mea nui ka manaʻo o ka manaʻo ma waho o ka ʻohana. He mea maʻamau ka manaʻo o ke kanaka he ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻo ia ʻaʻole pono kēlā. Akā ʻaʻole pono ke kumu i ka uku nui. He ʻoihana paha ia e holo ai i waho o ka home. ʻO ia paha, 'He mea noiʻi wau a he mea kākau paha.' Akā, 'he mea wau' he mea nui ia. A no ke kākoʻo ʻana o nā kāne ʻelua i kona hiki ke hana i kēlā—e hoʻololi ana ia. Manaʻo ka hapa nui o ka poʻe, 'Pono kaʻu hoa e hoʻohauʻoli iaʻu, a inā ʻaʻole lākou e hoʻohauʻoli iaʻu, a laila e hemo wau.' Akā ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, pono kēlā me kēia kanaka e hana. lakou iho hauʻoli. ʻAʻole hiki i kāu hoa ke hoʻohauʻoli maoli iā ʻoe. Akā hiki i kāu hoa ke kākoʻo oe e hauʻoli ana iā ʻoe. Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe i kēlā, ma ka liʻiliʻi loa, a ke kaumaha nei ʻoe, ʻaʻole maikaʻi ia no ka lōʻihi o ka pilina.
iwakālua20ʻO ʻoe ke kiaʻi puka
Ka mālama ʻana i nā keiki, ka hale, nā luna ʻohana āpau a me nā kuleana, Aia nā kāne e ʻōlelo mai, 'Mai ʻole! E hana wau, ʻoiai ʻo ia ...' wahi a Saltz. Akā ʻaʻole ia e hana like oe e hana. He ʻokoʻa loa ka manaʻo o nā kānaka ʻelua, he kāne a he wahine, e pili ana i ka hana ʻana o kēia mau mea. Maikaʻi paha ʻo ia inā he keke kā lākou no ka ʻaina kakahiaka. 'Aʻole lākou e make, maikaʻi lākou, a maikaʻi.' A lohe paha ʻo ia i kēlā a e like paha ia, 'Ugh, aia iaʻu kēia manawa.' E hana i ka mea hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻokuʻu. Hoʻokahi mea e hoʻokaʻawale ai i ka male ʻana inā ʻōlelo kekahi, 'ʻAʻole maikaʻi loa no ka mea ʻaʻole ia. ko'u ala .' No laila ʻaʻole ʻo ia wale nō ʻaʻole ʻo ia ka mea nāna e mālama i ka ʻai mua, akā ke lawe nei ʻo ia i kēia hana ʻē aʻe o ka mea mālama mua a me ka mea nona ka hale, akā ua haʻi ʻia ʻo ia he hemahema ʻo ia i nā manawa āpau. Pono ʻoe e mahalo i nā mea a pau āu e lawe mai ai i ka papaʻaina a kamaʻilio i kēlā. I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe: Haʻalele i kekahi mana. A ʻōlelo mahalo.
PILI: He aha ka mālama ʻīpuka a ʻai malū ʻia i kāu male ʻana?
